Geenschaap

Struggle with God.

My wife has said a few times to me that i was 'Israel', struggling with God. Look it up on the internet, Israel does indeed mean 'struggle with God'.
I am not struggling physically with God, but mentally i am. In an earlier blogpost i wrote that i believe in God, an almighty creator of the world and i think i know what God wants from me. But rather then just be content with that, i ask myself 'why' and can think 'yeah but'. There are so many questions that i don't know the answer to. Some questions are just irrelevant, like is God female, male or no gender. That doesn't matter really, it matters that God exists. But why does God exist. Why is this world and solar system created. Is this the only world with lifeforms on it or, as in the Narnia book "The Magician's Nephew", did and is God creating more solar systems and worlds with lifeforms? And why? When did it all start? Was God bored of being in an empty space? And did God suddenly pop up from nowhere? Was God born? I have no doubt that God exists, but if He didn't, where does everything come from? The big bang? A lot of matter that exploded and formed the universe? Where did that matter come from? Looking for an answer on the internet it seems that scientists don't know. Of course this big bang is a theory, not a fact, otherwise it wouldn't be called a theory. And if there's nothing, then nothing can come from it. So there must be something/someone that created things.  

My mind wants to know, asks questions and wants answers. But is it useful for me, or helpful to know the answers? Is it relevant to me to know whether there are other worlds with life, or to know how it all started? Knowing these answers wouldn't help me in my daily life.

Is it important to know everything? No. Even to know whether there is life after death doesn't help me in the here and now, so i don't need to know. I would only want to know that answer if i was afraid of the unknown, of what is there after death. But i reasoned that it is useless to be afraid of the unknown. It is useful to be afraid of known dangers in life. That is what does matters as it keeps me alive and safe.