Struggle with God.

My wife has said a few times to me that i was 'Israel', struggling with God. Look it up on the internet, Israel does indeed mean 'struggle with God'.
I am not struggling physically with God, but mentally i am. In an earlier blogpost i wrote that i believe in God, an almighty creator of the world and i think i know what God wants from me. But rather then just be content with that, i ask myself 'why' and can think 'yeah but'. There are so many questions that i don't know the answer to. Some questions are just irrelevant, like is God female, male or no gender. That doesn't matter really, it matters that God exists. But why does God exist. Why is this world and solar system created. Is this the only world with lifeforms on it or, as in the Narnia book "The Magician's Nephew", did and is God creating more solar systems and worlds with lifeforms? And why? When did it all start? Was God bored of being in an empty space? And did God suddenly pop up from nowhere? Was God born? I have no doubt that God exists, but if He didn't, where does everything come from? The big bang? A lot of matter that exploded and formed the universe? Where did that matter come from? Looking for an answer on the internet it seems that scientists don't know. Of course this big bang is a theory, not a fact, otherwise it wouldn't be called a theory. And if there's nothing, then nothing can come from it. So there must be something/someone that created things.  

My mind wants to know, asks questions and wants answers. But is it useful for me, or helpful to know the answers? Is it relevant to me to know whether there are other worlds with life, or to know how it all started? Knowing these answers wouldn't help me in my daily life.

Is it important to know everything? No. Even to know whether there is life after death doesn't help me in the here and now, so i don't need to know. I would only want to know that answer if i was afraid of the unknown, of what is there after death. But i reasoned that it is useless to be afraid of the unknown. It is useful to be afraid of known dangers in life. That is what does matters as it keeps me alive and safe. 

Funworld

Last night my wife said to me that it felt like she was living in funworld. "There are so many fun things i do!" And yes, there are always many fun things to do and i'm glad that my wife taught me that it is important to have fun in life. 'Live for the moment' and 'live like there's no tomorrow' are old clichés, i know, but so very true. Why waste your life with doing household chores when there are interesting things to do like playing with Playmobil, reading a good book, solving a griddle puzzle, having some beers and talking. And even with doing responsible things like nourishing oneselves it is possible to have fun with it. Finding a new recipe on the internet and trying it out, or finding some new food in the supermarket and trying it out instead of cooking the same as usual. And my wife is an expert in cooking and improvising and finding new ways of cooking a meal. So much more then i could ever be.

This sounds like we live a free life, but then there's the reality of everyday life. What is most limiting in our life is our pets. The two cats are pretty low maintenance, but our two dogs are not, mainly because of the youngest dog. The youngest dog should have been fully mature by now, but he's very slow in his development. At first it looked like he was mentally disabled, but he seems to be highly intelligent. And dominating. He has to grow out of his immature behaviour before he can become an easier to handle and obedient dog. But for now he is troublesome, and that affects the life of my wife in particular, even more when i'm working. Because of the young dog's behaviour my wife has to keep him on a lead for most of the time he is out of his crate. He can't be held in his crate day and night as this is not fair to the dog. And i'm not as good as my wife in handling the dog, he's just too difficult. Actually we both realise that this dog is very fortunate that we got him, perhaps nobody else could have kept him. And dogs require routine. So we don't live as free as we could and want, but that is the reality of life.

Then why not get rid of that dog? There's two reasons. First, when you get a dog its life depends upon you, the owner. As an owner you keep it safe, well fed and healthy, and yes, also happy. A dog deserves a good life, like every animal or pet. When giving a dog away you never know what a horrible life it could have then.
Second reason is that it seems that God chose my wife to take care of dogs with problems. Many of the dogs she owned, or took care of, had a terminal disease and died long before thair natural lifespan. Three of these dogs had hydrocephalus. One of these dogs was Nachman, i wrote about him earlier. My wife believes it is impossible that someone has had three dogs with hydrocephalus, not to mention so many other dogs with a terminal disease.
Our young dog is troublesome but seems to be healthy at the moment, but still needs a lot of attention from my wife. The other older dog is quite normal. That older dog was chosen by me, Nachman and our current troublesome one were chosen by my wife. Why does God give troublesome dogs to my wife one can ask. The answer is simple, my wife is the only one who can give these dogs a good life.

Dogs have the right to live in funworld too, even when it limits the funworld of their owners. 

New year traditions

Another tradition which i never knew the meaning of (other then starting a new year calendar) or the origins of, is the new year tradition. According to Wikipedia, the origins here in the Netherlands apparently came from the "Joelfeest", the winter solstice celebrations, which lasted 12 days. The noise making at new year seems to originate from the practice of scaring away evil spirits with the chiming of (church) bells and other noises. This i was never told and had to look it up on the internet. So all these years in the past i celebrated new year without knowing anything about it, other then changing the calendar. And i wonder how many people do know. I assume that very few know and that makes it a meaningless tradition. So why do it? Just because of eating and drinking in abundance? You can do that every day of the year. Because of the law the only time that people are allowed to use fireworks is at new year, so that is not possible on other days. But that too is a silly tradition, where people buy a few very expensive fireworks which last for five or ten minutes or which, in most cases, lasts for only a second. That ten or twenty euro sky-rocket goes up in the sky, explodes and gives a second of lights. Not to mention the firecrackers.

For animals it is a horrible time. Here in the Netherlands the banging of firecrackers starts days before new year and on new year's eve gets worse. Our two cats are not happy and sometimes don't know where to hide. One of our dogs is not really bothered by it, but the other is a nervous type and wants to bark at every noise from outside he hears. We try to train that dog to ignore the banging with some success. As he's still young, maybe someday he'll learn to ignore it as the other dog does. As we do not stay up to wait for new year, we go to sleep at an earlier time with the dogs in their crates, which for them is security in their den. Last night at twelve, when the noise began, i was awakened by it, and the nervous dog was making some noises too. He made some soft barks, squeaked a bit and went quiet for the rest of the time it was noisy, which doesn't last more then fifteen minutes here. The other dog didn't make a sound. My wife just slept through it completely! Is it worth it to annoy other people (on the last day of december there had been more then 60.000 complaints about fireworks) and scare animals? Is it worth it for a tradition that is meaningless - just eating and drinking and making a lot of noise? It isn't worth it to me, and certainly not for animals.