Stigmatising

In a news article here: http://nos.nl/artikel/2077645-leerlingen-kaatsheuvel-begeleid-bij-fietsen-langs-azc.html it shows how easy it is to stigmatise a group of people. In this town there will be an asylum seekers centre which is on a road towards a primary school. Parents have addressed their fears about this to the city council, the parents thought that it would be unsafe for their children to cycle past this asylum seekers centre. Therefore the city council decided to have some volunteers or hired security guards to accompany the children when cycling to that school. The city council declared that they made no effort to convince the parents that it would be safe for their children to cycle past the asylum seekers centre because some parents will not be convinced. So now the parents will be justified with their fears and worse. This asylum seekers centre can become known as the place where "dangerous"people live because look, children can't safely cycle past it without guards! How stigmatising this is. And i know from experience how easy it is to stigmatise.

My father was a young man during world war 2 and has been in danger of being sent to Germany as a forced labourer, as it was proclaimed by the nazi regime that every adult man had to go there to work in the factories. My father refused to go and was therefore always in danger of being arrested. He must have been in fear for that and one day he thought that his fear would be proved to be a real one. My father was standing in the village where he lived talking to some friends of similar age, when suddenly a German officer and two soldiers came towards them. At gunpoint they were then taken to a cheese factory nearby to load a horse cart full of cheeses which would be taken to Germany. My father and his friends were expecting to be taken to Germany too, but to their relief they were sent home again.
This and some other events apparently made my father hate the nazis. Many years later in the seventies of the last century, i was walking with my father in this same village. As it was summer there were several tourists as this village is in the lakes area of Friesland, popular with boating tourists. This area was and is very popular with German tourists. But back then several male German tourists who visited this area were wearing a sort of captain's cap. So while my father and i were walking we passed a man with such a cap, and my father said to me "He was an ss officer, i can see it on his ugly face". As this man didn't say anything the only clue my father had for recognising this man as German was this cap. But my father knew nothing of this man, whether this man came from Germany or Belgium or anywhere else in the world. And if this man was German, he could have been too young to be an officer, let alone in the army during the war. But if he was old enough, he might have been active in the resistance against the nazis. But whoever he was, what my father did was stigmatising and i didn't have any idea of this. Actually i thought that my father was a great guy, hating the nazis. And so i copied my father and started doing the same. Every middle aged person wearing such a captain's cap used to be a nazi in the war. It took me a long time to realise how wrong my father was, stigmatising people just by how they looked. And how wrong I was by doing the same! Had i never realised that i was easily stigmatising people based on ignorance, i would have read that news article mentioned above and probably thought that these people were absolutely right in their fears and that the city council was absolutely right in their decision of having "guards" accompanying these children to school past that "dangerous" asylum seekers centre.

I'm not saying that i'm such a good person for recognising this stigmatising, i'm still a product of my youth and upbringing by my parents. It doesn't take much to stigmatise people. I can still go wrong when for example i read a news article about people demonstrating against the building of a new asylum seekers centre and think NAZIS! And that is stigmatising based on ignorance. I don't like stigmatising, but before pointing fingers at others i also have to look at myself and what i'm doing. Change the world and start with yourself!    

Shop opening times and intolerance.

Here in the Netherlands we have a law about shop opening times. This law states when shops are allowed to be open and when to be shut. But not only that, there's also an (much older) law about the sunday rest, and as you can imagine it's based on the Christian practice to have a rest day on sunday. That both laws are from way before the time of internet makes it possible to have a webshop open and working 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. The only restriction is then that courier companies don't deliver on sundays, but webshop owners can still deliver goods on a sunday themselves, the law never anticipated on that. So why do we still have these restricted laws? Why can't shopowners decide for themselves when to be open and when to be shut. One of the arguments for shop opening times is that it protects employees from abuse from the shopowners, but employees are no slaves and can quit their job or simply refuse to work on certain days when they want to. If a shopowner doesn't respect that they're a bad employer and does one want to work for a bad employer anyway? But besides that, this sunday rest law is discriminating against non Christians. Jewish shopowners, who are following the Tora and have their shop shut on the Shabbat, which is from friday evening before sunset untill saturday evening after sunset. But because of this law they also can't open their shop on a sunday! Note that the early Christians were also obeying the Shabbat untill the Roman emperor Constantine declared the sunday as the holy rest day in the year 321 as the most important day for the heathen religion of worshipping the sun. And as at that time the Christians wanted to remove themselves further away from Judaism, from where Christianity originated from, they embraced this practice.

But for non Christians in general it is restrictive. Why should anyone be restricted by a minority who want to uphold an old practice? It is not only restrictive but also intolerant. The (Christian) governments who made these laws long ago didn't want to consider non Christians and so does the current government of a country where a lot of inhabitants like to pat themselves on the back for being so tolerant. The people here in the Netherlands are in general not tolerant. The hatred towards the people who are questioning the st Nicolas tradition with the zwarte piet, a caricature of a black person, is one of the best examples of intolerance here. I think i could write a list of examples of intolerance that i see here in this country, maybe i will do that some time. To get back to the shop opening times, let the people decide for themselves when they want to open their shop or when to go shopping and when not. And let everyone be tolerant about that. 

Washing up.

I just finished the washing up. It wasn't a daily chore, or that it had to be done because there was nothing to cook in, eat of or eat with, but just because i felt like it. Doesn't happen much. The washing up or that i feel like it. Sometimes, and that is more then that it is at times, the kitchen looks like a battle field. And it feels like it. But that's life. We live, we are made to live. We are not made to wash up. There are better and more important things in life. There's my wife, there are the dogs, there's playmobil, there are books to read. There is so much more and better things to do besides washing up. But this time i just felt like it. At the same time it gave me time to think of what to write for this blog post. And there's a reward afterwards, drinking beer with my wife and enjoy some snacks and have a good conversation. And that's living. I love living.

Flying Pickets - Masters of war
Come you masters of war
You that build the big guns
You that build the death planes
You that build all the bombs
You that hide behind walls
You that hide behind desks
I just want you to know
I can see through your masks

You that never done nothin'
But build to destroy
You play with my world
Like it's your little toy
You put a gun in my hand
And you hide from my eyes
And you turn and run farther
When the fast bullets fly

Like Judas of old
You lie and deceive
A world war can be won
You want me to believe
But I see through your eyes
And I see through your brain
Like I see through the water
That runs down my drain

You fasten all the triggers
For the others to fire
Then you set back and watch
While the death count gets higher
Then you hide in your mansion
While the young people's blood
Flows out of their bodies
And is buried in the mud

You've thrown the worst fear
That can ever be hurled
Fear to bring children
Into the world
For threatening my baby
Unborn and unnamed
You ain't worth the blood
That runs in your veins

Let me ask you one question
Is your money that good
Will it buy you forgiveness
Do you think that it could
I think you will find
When your death takes it's toll
All the money you made
Will never buy back your soul

And I hope that you die
And your death'll come soon
I will follow your casket
In the pale afternoon
And I'll watch while you're lowered
Down to your deathbed
And I'll stand o'er your grave
'Til I'm sure that you're dead

Great song, great truth.

Bird with broken wing.

Bird with broken wing
Locked up inside
A tiny cage
Till the day I heard your cry
And set you free

But as I reached in
To heal the hurt
You fled in wild dismay
Now your pain
Has made you blind as you can be

Echoes in the distance
Are almost all you hear from me
Each time I speak your name
You flee away

While the agonies of mindless flight
Grow more than you can bare
Still you think it's because of me
That you feel this way

Soarin' far above the storm
On wings spread strong and wide
Is the vision that you've buried
In despair

You dash yourself against the stones
And flutter terrified
When my love will heal your wounds
And lift you there

Like a frightened child
Who starts away with every move
You want to trust
But watch so fearfully

Everything you're longing for
Is here within my hands
I'm waiting now for you
To come to me

Soarin' far above the storm
On wings spread strong and wide
Is the vision that you've buried
In despair

You dash yourself against the stones
And flutter terrified
When my love will heal your wounds
And lift you there

Like a frightened child
Who starts away with every move
You want to trust
But watch so fearfully

Everything you're longing for
Is here within my hands
I'm waiting now for you
To come to me

I'm waiting now for you
To come to me
I'm waiting now for you
To come to me

Lyrics: Don Francisco

Bird with broken wing - Don Francisco

Trust in God is all it takes. He can heal the wounds and lift me there. There where i'm meant to be.

Mobile phones 

I grew up in a house with no telephone at all, at least during my younger years. I remember going to the nearby post office with my mother where there was a public phone whenever my mother wanted to call some one. And that happened not often. But eventually my parents decided to get a landline telephone. I thought it was a marvelous bit of technique. But with it came this urge, the urge to pick up the horn when it was ringing. Some one needed to talk to one of the household and they can't be left waiting to long, or even worse, letting the call to be unanswered. This was also one of many conditionings i was subjected to.
Years later when i was living on my own i thought that i needed a landline telephone. Again years later i thought i needed a mobile phone. Soon i got rid of the landline telephone, at least i didn't think i needed both! With that mobile phone the conditioning of picking up when it rang was even stronger, i picked it up whenever and wherever i was. I never realised that it actually can be very rude to others to just pick up the phone while being in the presence of others. But hey, everybody else does it too, it seems to be accepted. Later my wife pointed out that it's not acceptable behaviour. (my wife is very good in pointing out how much i am conditioned) After thinking about it i realised two things. Yes, it is rude to just pick up a call when in the presence of others, especially when being in a conversation. And i asked myself why do i need to pick up the phone when called? Can't i just decide for myself whether i want to talk with some one on the phone or not? Can some one demand to speak with me whenever they want it? Isn't it an intrusion of my privacy? Yes, it is, and my privacy is my own. Whenever the phone is ringing i look on the display who it is and decide wether to pick it up or to let it go. Sometimes i don't even bother to look who it is, especially when i'm doing something. They can leave a voicemail if it's important. When i'm not at work my phone lies on my desk at home and doesn't come with me whenever i go out. And yes, i'm probably one of the very few who dare to go out without a mobile phone, at least for someone of my age and younger. It's nothing to worry about, as before i ever had a mobile phone i went out without a worry too. It's actually quite relaxing. Oh, and i never got into texting. I never was interested in a smartphone or iphone or whatever mobile devices with millions of functions there are. No apps for me or mobile internet.

Life without a demanding phone. Life can be so simple.

No soap.

A while ago i decided to stop using shampoo when having a shower. Again, using shampoo is also a thing of conditioning, while i never thought about why i was using it. When reading on the internet about people not using any shampoo i gave it a try. I can say that it's great, i still get clean but now without smelling like a chemist shop. And yes, the smell of shampoo is terrible. Every time i got out of the shower i stank like a chemical factory, and got smelled at by the dogs. All that is gone now. Another good thing is that my skin is less dry, especially noticable on my feet. My hair feels better too and doesn't tie so much anymore then it used too. Of course, the cosmetics industry would recommend me several products against dry skin and bad hair. To me they are just useless products made only for the profits of businessmen, not for the good of humanity.
And even longer now i stopped brushing my teeth. The dentist has not seen me for years either. This has made a great difference. My teeth are not rotting away, despite what dentists say about not brushing teeth. Even more remarkable, i have a tooth with a hole in it. Now and then i rinse my mouth with salt water and that is all.
I like to put dentists and the cosmetic industry on one heep as they seem to work together. The last dentist i was going to made this really obvious. After the regular checkup i was told (not asked) to go next door to the mouth hygienist, who then told me how to clean my teeth and with which products. She could sell me this amazing electric toothbrush for a reduced price and highly recommended it. It was like being in a toothbrush commercial.
The dentist that i had twenty years ago was totally different. A practice at home, no hospital white interior whit lots of equipment, just the nessecary things and the dentist with a little light on his head instead of these annoying big bright lights hovering above your head. It was always a one or two minute thing, the dentist looked in my mouth and when there was no hole in any tooth he just said to me "see you next time". No lecture on how to brush my teeth or what products to use, just plain simple checking and only doing something when it was needed. Dentist appointments didn't cost me much back then. Then i moved to another place and got the opposite. This dentist worked together with a collegue and both of them tried to earn as much as possible on me, including convincing me that i needed crowns on all my teeth. They managed to fuck up most of my teeth, or tried to and got me one crown before i left them. What they also did was removing hardened plaque from my teeth with a drill or something. After their treatment i had very sensitive teeth and i noticed that here and there bits of teeth were braking off. I left them and moved to my current dentist being more reluctant to swallow all their bullshit. They have removed some damage done by the previous dentists, which has cost me several teeth, and after that i stopped going. Now i have no sensitive teeth anymore and healthy gum. All that talk about plaque that needs to be removed because it causes your gum to become infected and retracting from your teeth is nonsense. Nature will sort itself out and your saliva will take care of your teeth and gum, not chemical cosmetics.
Just out of curiosity i was googling a bit about this subject and came across some more nonsense, apparently aimed to make people afraid. There are several newsreports/articles about not brushing your teeth can cause heart disease. Some researchers did a little bit of research and came to the conclusion that bad mouth hygiene can cause heartfailure. There are no hard facts that this really happens. I can give some hard facts. My father has never in his life brushed his teeth, half his life has been smoking, and became 83 years old. He died of cancer and in his last days there was nothing left of him, but his heart just didn't stop beating. My father's parents never brushed their teeth and died well into their nineties, having a very healthy heart. And as i am doing reasearch for making a family tree i discovered that most people got very old, 80 years or more were no exception, and i went as far as the fifteen hundreds! None of them have brushed there teeth like people do now. So there is my conclusion on the subject. Any scientist can try to prove me wrong, but they can't. If they want proof i'll show them any family tree that's published on the internet. 

Conditioning.

After talking with my wife i realised that i'm conditioned in several ways. One of the things we talked about was how conditioned i am about what a husband should be. Several times i had said that i wanted to be a good husband, and when i thought i had failed to be one, i said that i was a bad husband. And it was my conditioning talking. I had this fairytale marriage in my head where i had a strict role in as a husband. A marriage is a commitment, a legal thing that makes sure that both partners in the marriage have certain rights. And it is put in writing that both partners promise to stay together and care for eachother. The non legal bit is what both partners make of it/fill in themselves. Being a husband is the legal part in the relationship with my wife, besides that i'm everything else, lover, best friend, partner, bedwarmer, etcetera.

Another example of my conditioning is the clothes i wear. My wife and i had tye died some shirts last year, but mine had been hanging in the wardrobe ever since. So my wife asked me why i never wore them, and the first thing that came to my mind was that i didn't wanted the shirts to get dirty at work. So why didn't i wore them in my free time? And what is the purpose of clothing anyway? One of the purposes is to protect the body, which includes from dirt. Clothes get dirty, so they get washed, and if the stains don't get out completely then that is just the way it is. This morning i put on a tye died t-shirt with a sweater over it as it is winter now. I rather not wear a sweater as the t-shirt looks great, but at least i'm using the t-shirt for the purpose it is made of.

I'm sure i'm in many more ways conditioned and it is a matter of time when i have seen all the ways i'm conditioned in. It just takes some insight into myself and ask myself the question 'why am i doing this, why do i think i "should" do something or shouldn't, why do i think this and not that'. 

I have only one life on this planet as far as i know, and i can make it a happy life, a life i was destined to live.  

Barclay James Harvest - Life is for livin'

The Zimmers - my generation

Living is an art.

Following my heart instead of my mind can free me, the other way around will only make me a prisoner of my ego, selfishness and low self esteem. The heart is truthfull, the mind can deceive. It takes courage to follow the heart, it's easier to follow the mind. The mind says fit in with the group, it's safer, while the heart says do your own thing. The mind gives reasons why to follow it, the heart knows what is best for me. Looking back at my past i know that i felt really alive when i followed my heart. Feeling really alive is one of the best feelings i can have.

I should listen more to my heart, it tells me how to be alive.

Relationship with my wife.


In our relationship my wife and i are no sheep, right from the beginning. We didn't get together after dating for a while, but after becoming friends on an internet forum. When we fell in love we both had a very strong desire to get together. This wasn't that easy as my wife lived in England and i lived in the Netherlands. A ferry crossing was booked for me to go to England but on the day before my crossing there was a storm that forced all ferries to stay docked waiting for the storm to calm down. On the day of my crossing i still wasn't sure wether the ferries would sail across, but i was determined to go, even if i had to go all the way to France to travel by train through the tunnel between France and England. Nothing could stop me. Fortunatly the ferries did sail and i arrived at my future wife's home as planned, and from that day on we have not been away from each other for one full day. When i'm working i'm away from home of course, but never any longer then necessary. If at work they would ask me to do a job far from home which would make hotel staying necessary, i would refuse it. At the moment my wife and i are watching Survivor, a game where a group of people are playing a game on a remote place far from home for 39 days. The person who wins this game can win a million dollars. For me the choice wouldn't be difficult, winning a million or be with my wife, without hesitation i choose to be with my wife. She is the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. She is the most wonderfull, kind, considerate, loving, sexy, smart, wise, intelligent, amazing woman in the world. And i am the most fortunate man in the world for my wife wants me as her partner.

A very important part of our relationship is that we are best friends. Best friends hang out with each other, share thoughts with each other and express their feelings to each other. Our relationship is unique, it is ours alone. Not something we learned out of books or from websites, not something copied from others. Not conventional nor conforming. And it couldn't be any different, as we both are no sheeples.