Geenschaap

Conditioning.

After talking with my wife i realised that i'm conditioned in several ways. One of the things we talked about was how conditioned i am about what a husband should be. Several times i had said that i wanted to be a good husband, and when i thought i had failed to be one, i said that i was a bad husband. And it was my conditioning talking. I had this fairytale marriage in my head where i had a strict role in as a husband. A marriage is a commitment, a legal thing that makes sure that both partners in the marriage have certain rights. And it is put in writing that both partners promise to stay together and care for eachother. The non legal bit is what both partners make of it/fill in themselves. Being a husband is the legal part in the relationship with my wife, besides that i'm everything else, lover, best friend, partner, bedwarmer, etcetera.

Another example of my conditioning is the clothes i wear. My wife and i had tye died some shirts last year, but mine had been hanging in the wardrobe ever since. So my wife asked me why i never wore them, and the first thing that came to my mind was that i didn't wanted the shirts to get dirty at work. So why didn't i wore them in my free time? And what is the purpose of clothing anyway? One of the purposes is to protect the body, which includes from dirt. Clothes get dirty, so they get washed, and if the stains don't get out completely then that is just the way it is. This morning i put on a tye died t-shirt with a sweater over it as it is winter now. I rather not wear a sweater as the t-shirt looks great, but at least i'm using the t-shirt for the purpose it is made of.

I'm sure i'm in many more ways conditioned and it is a matter of time when i have seen all the ways i'm conditioned in. It just takes some insight into myself and ask myself the question 'why am i doing this, why do i think i "should" do something or shouldn't, why do i think this and not that'. 

I have only one life on this planet as far as i know, and i can make it a happy life, a life i was destined to live.  

Barclay James Harvest - Life is for livin'