Conditioning.

After talking with my wife i realised that i'm conditioned in several ways. One of the things we talked about was how conditioned i am about what a husband should be. Several times i had said that i wanted to be a good husband, and when i thought i had failed to be one, i said that i was a bad husband. And it was my conditioning talking. I had this fairytale marriage in my head where i had a strict role in as a husband. A marriage is a commitment, a legal thing that makes sure that both partners in the marriage have certain rights. And it is put in writing that both partners promise to stay together and care for eachother. The non legal bit is what both partners make of it/fill in themselves. Being a husband is the legal part in the relationship with my wife, besides that i'm everything else, lover, best friend, partner, bedwarmer, etcetera.

Another example of my conditioning is the clothes i wear. My wife and i had tye died some shirts last year, but mine had been hanging in the wardrobe ever since. So my wife asked me why i never wore them, and the first thing that came to my mind was that i didn't wanted the shirts to get dirty at work. So why didn't i wore them in my free time? And what is the purpose of clothing anyway? One of the purposes is to protect the body, which includes from dirt. Clothes get dirty, so they get washed, and if the stains don't get out completely then that is just the way it is. This morning i put on a tye died t-shirt with a sweater over it as it is winter now. I rather not wear a sweater as the t-shirt looks great, but at least i'm using the t-shirt for the purpose it is made of.

I'm sure i'm in many more ways conditioned and it is a matter of time when i have seen all the ways i'm conditioned in. It just takes some insight into myself and ask myself the question 'why am i doing this, why do i think i "should" do something or shouldn't, why do i think this and not that'. 

I have only one life on this planet as far as i know, and i can make it a happy life, a life i was destined to live.  

Barclay James Harvest - Life is for livin'

The Zimmers - my generation

Living is an art.

Following my heart instead of my mind can free me, the other way around will only make me a prisoner of my ego, selfishness and low self esteem. The heart is truthfull, the mind can deceive. It takes courage to follow the heart, it's easier to follow the mind. The mind says fit in with the group, it's safer, while the heart says do your own thing. The mind gives reasons why to follow it, the heart knows what is best for me. Looking back at my past i know that i felt really alive when i followed my heart. Feeling really alive is one of the best feelings i can have.

I should listen more to my heart, it tells me how to be alive.

Relationship with my wife.


In our relationship my wife and i are no sheep, right from the beginning. We didn't get together after dating for a while, but after becoming friends on an internet forum. When we fell in love we both had a very strong desire to get together. This wasn't that easy as my wife lived in England and i lived in the Netherlands. A ferry crossing was booked for me to go to England but on the day before my crossing there was a storm that forced all ferries to stay docked waiting for the storm to calm down. On the day of my crossing i still wasn't sure wether the ferries would sail across, but i was determined to go, even if i had to go all the way to France to travel by train through the tunnel between France and England. Nothing could stop me. Fortunatly the ferries did sail and i arrived at my future wife's home as planned, and from that day on we have not been away from each other for one full day. When i'm working i'm away from home of course, but never any longer then necessary. If at work they would ask me to do a job far from home which would make hotel staying necessary, i would refuse it. At the moment my wife and i are watching Survivor, a game where a group of people are playing a game on a remote place far from home for 39 days. The person who wins this game can win a million dollars. For me the choice wouldn't be difficult, winning a million or be with my wife, without hesitation i choose to be with my wife. She is the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. She is the most wonderfull, kind, considerate, loving, sexy, smart, wise, intelligent, amazing woman in the world. And i am the most fortunate man in the world for my wife wants me as her partner.

A very important part of our relationship is that we are best friends. Best friends hang out with each other, share thoughts with each other and express their feelings to each other. Our relationship is unique, it is ours alone. Not something we learned out of books or from websites, not something copied from others. Not conventional nor conforming. And it couldn't be any different, as we both are no sheeples.

December madness 2.

In the previous blogpost i wrote about the sheeplike behaviour of people regarding the christmas holidays. If you think of it, this christmas madness is not just there, it's forced upon people. Getting closer to the last week of december you can't leave your house without being confronted with it. And staying at home is maybe even worse when listening to the radio or watching tv, not to mention being on the internet, especially without an ad blocker.

This is not a rant, it's an observation. This christmas madness just makes me shake my head when i wonder why?

December madness.

I wonder what drives people into this december madness, and i mean the christmas holidays. My parents went along with it too, especially my mother. Sending lots of christmas cards to relatives and hanging all the received cards on a string on the wall. I'm sure some of the received cards were exactly the same as the ones my mother had send. If you think of it, sending a piece of cardboard with a romantic picture on it only to receive the same pieces of cardboard again. Because one has to do this.

Then the holidays themselves. This requires a lot of shopping, and in the case of the two christmas days falling on a monday and tuesday, an enormously amount of shopping has to be done. Then the parking lots of the supermarkets are too small in the two days before the holidays. Houses need to be decorated too of course.

There is nothing wrong with decorating the house and have a feast, with or without presents. But why can this only be done at christmas? Why not pick a random date on the calander and do this? Why be afraid that people say that you're odd for doing so? Why be a sheep? 

Pink.

I can't remember where i got the idea from that pink is for girls and blue for boys. Thinking back to the seventies when i grew up, and seeing old photos of that time, colors were bright and plentyfull. The color pink was not fashionable then i guess as it doesn't show up much on photos of the seventies. But as an adult man buying clothes or other things i needed in life i never bought something in pink, as i did have it stuck in my mind that pink was only for girls.

But when thinking of it, it is just silly. How can a color be only male or female? It's just a color. And it's not proven that only/all female human beings like pink and male human beings like any color except pink. Pink is for girls and blue for boys is nothing more then conditioning, and it seems that marketing plays a big role in it. In the same line marketing is conditioning little girls into the role of mother and housewife. Just look in any toyshop or look in any toy brochure. As if there is no free choice.

Human beings have a brain that can think and reason in an independant way. Human beings don't need to be told what choices to make, they can do that themselves. But i wonder how many are actually really making their own choices. The choice of being a sheep or not.